Compared to Match.com, Selective Search may seem a little pricey; annual subscriptions, after all, run anywhere from $25,000 to $1 million. Still, that hasn’t stopped the Chicago-based matchmaking firm, which Barbie Adler founded in 2000, from thriving, as its high-end lonely hearts are happy to spring for the discreet, bespoke services the company offers. “There is nothing more important than finding love,” Adler says, “and we deliver.”
On Passion
“I’ve been intrigued by relationships since I was a girl. I was pairing people up on the playground—you know, ‘Ooh, he likes you, she likes you.’ Our model at Selective Search is a little more sophisticated [laughs]. The good news is we get it right more than I did. For close to 34 percent of our clients, the first date is the one that goes the distance. Our overall success rate is 87 percent. I get to celebrate weddings with them. I see their babies grow up. It doesn’t get any better than that.”
On Finding a Niche
“I used to be in executive recruitment. What I was really good at was reading beyond the résumé, seeing who people really are. I realized these skills could be used to help people who want to find love. I looked around and saw these websites filled with hearts and cupids, which wasn’t going to resonate with the clients I wanted. Nobody was bringing the kind of experience and professionalism that I could offer.”
On Hard Work
“We now have employees across the U.S., but I started on my own. I was doing everything, from changing the printer cartridge to advertising. Honestly, I wasn’t prepared for the time and energy and sacrifice this was going to take. You have to have a fire in your belly. But I get so much satisfaction from what I do. Helping people find love is a euphoric feeling.”
On Knowing Your Client
“Our clientele includes CEOs, celebrities, doctors, politicians, academics. These are people who have poured so much of themselves into their success, but they want to be liked for who they are, not what they have. They also value privacy, so the trust factor is huge. Some may have been through a divorce; maybe they haven’t dated for a while. Our objective is to find someone who is compatible, to build relationships that will lead to lasting love.”
On the Human Touch
“We use technology, but this is not computer dating. Nothing can replace emotional intelligence when it comes to the heart. So we employ savvy, talented people who know how to ask the right questions: if someone likes a certain kind of music or holds certain political beliefs. Maybe it’s about family goals or lifestyle choices or education. It’s a totally different proposition from going on a random date, which is like throwing spaghetti at a wall. For us, this isn’t a numbers game.”
On Going the Extra Mile
“Clients might ask for advice on where to go on a first date, and we can say, ‘Well, we know she loves sushi.’ We also get feedback after the date—it could be that she thought you were handsome and engaging, or that you talked about yourself too much. Successful people are often surrounded by ‘yes’ people; no one wants to tell the CEO that they talk too loudly, but it’s important to hear these things. Sometimes you need a cheerleader, and sometimes you need a coach.”
selectivesearch.com, 866-592-1200
Next Up: Whitney Wolfe Herd, Bumble CEO, on Pandemic-Influenced Dating Trends
